Orange is for Pumpkins

So we had a long discussion about people who tan during the winter. Sure, Mae pops in for a quick tan every once in a while. But she doesn’t overdo it. You just look unnatural when you’re walking around in winter sporting a tan that looks like you just laid outside all day. We know you didn’t. (And don’t get us started on peroxide blondes who bake themselves crispier than Chicken Little in Colonel Sanders’ oven rendering themselves darker than the sand in the Midwest. That’s just not natural, either. Blonde hair comes naturally for those who are less pigmented, so natural blonds would never be able to tan that dark. And no one is that crispy… ever.) Which brings us to the real point: Ladies, there is no season during which your complexion should be reminiscent of a pumpkin! This means you who wear the sunless tanner, no UV, lotion. We are grateful that sunless tanner manufacturers have come out with new ways to prevent streaking and spotting (none of which work significantly better than what we used to be offered, anyway) but they haven’t fixed the problem of how produce-like you will look when you use it. Oranges, nectarines, carrots, pumpkins and kumquats all look natural when they are orange. You just look silly. So unless you’d like to be mistaken for a jack-o-lantern, fight the urge to fake-n-bake or slather on that sunless tanner and do something productive… like picking out a foundation that matches.