Life is Not a Bakery

Ever heard the saying, “You are what you eat”? Or have you seen someone who looks just like their dog? Well a new trend has hit us like a fast ball aimed at Todd Helton’s head (in that the trend happened fast and it has been painful). People are beginning to resemble baked goods. Well mostly just one super savory type of baked good: the muffin. Everyone knows what a muffin looks like. It starts out with flat sides and then it has some overhang once the muffin has reached the top of the muffin cup; a little muffin brim, if you will. You know what else has been spotted with a brim as of late? PANTS! Tight ones. Ladies, it is not fashionable to wear anything that pushes your love handles up and out and over your pants resulting in a mushroom-like blob that is more horrific to look at than the ones produced by “Little Boy” and “Fat Man” over Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945. (Okay… no it’s not, but we’re just saying do not underestimate the horror of the effects of “Muffin Man”.) Now we’ve seen this trend on all sizes of lady. Even one lady who was probably a size two but had probably tried to squeeze into a size zero. Seriously? The sad thing is this problem can be remedied. Tape worm, anyone? No seriously, you just need to buy pants that are your size. So, cupcake (can we call you cupcake?) go purchase some pants that fit, regardless of what that nasty little number on the tag says (no one is good with numbers, anyway).