How (not) To Accessorize

So Mae and Jane realize that they seem to be really bad at keeping up with their blog. A collective “ooops” and “sorry” from us. A lot has happened since we left off. Specifically a presidential excursion around the world. Now we will leave the speeches and policies alone and speak specifically about one incident: President Obama’s trip to Saudi Arabia where he was greeted by King Abdullah and presented with the King Abdul Aziz Order of Merit. Basically this order of merit is a gaudy gold necklace that hangs almost to Obama’s waist. And let’s face it, Obama is no short dude, so that chain is long. You know those lyrics “I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more…”? Well The Proclaimers were a little ahead of their time and even they didn’t know that they were talking about opening this order of merit and unfolding the necklace. Basically, if you were to hike along this necklace you would have to walk 500 miles and then 500 more to see the other end of it. And the Proclaimers proclaimed that they’d be more than happy to do it (how prematurely jingoistic)! Chanel said that women should look in the mirror and take one piece of jewelry off before going out. After seeing the order of merit, the fashion industry added to that statement and said that men who wear that necklace should take it off before they go out. (Unless, of course, you are sitting in the GILDED CHAIR that Obama was perched on after receiving the necklace. He matched the furniture! Did somebody say "wallflower"? No, not in that necklace....) The order of merit certainly has enough gold to be fit for a king or Elizabeth Taylor and it has the girth to be considered as a prop for Flavor Flav. Seriously, just insert an alarm clock into the medallion at the end…. no big! (But it is big.) America’s president now owns something that can be seen from space (and Martians think it's ostentatious, too.) And it’s really convenient that he flies on Air Force One because if he were flying commercial, the addition of the necklace to his checked luggage would certainly incur extra fees for weight (Mae and Jane have always wondered what you would have to put in a bag to make it weigh more than 50 pounds. We’re sure this necklace could almost weigh that much by itself, a feat their shoes and hair dryers could never accomplish.) And we’re pretty sure William Jennings Brian is rolling over in his grave at the missed opportunity to give a “medallion of gold” speech. “… you shall not burden the neck of labor with a medallion of gold, you shall not trip us up with such a long necklace!” Perhaps the next Democratic National convention can somehow work this in….