Which Way to the Clown Car?

Mae and Jane attended a riveting lecture together over the past week. Too bad we couldn’t hear it over the professor’s shirt and necklace which were louder than a Russian drum quartet playing a marathon concert of metalcore rock fused with heavy metal. Chanel always said that women over-accessorize so they should look in the mirror before they leave and take one thing off. This professor should have taken all three gaudy necklaces (speaking of heavy metal…) off and left them at home. Had we been able to concentrate past the deafening shirt, or see the board past her giant necklace display, we still would have been very distracted by her large clown pants. Seriously, they reminded us of the episode of “Friends” where Phoebe tries on all of her maternity pants. She was a slim-ish woman, but she was doing herself zero favors by wearing pants that clung to her widest part and then flowed downwards. This means the rest of her looked just as wide as the widest part of her. If that wasn’t enough, her already boxy looking lower half was covered with a boxy pattern. That is correct. She was wearing plaid pants. And guess what? It was working for her about as well as riding that fox across the river worked for the Gingerbread Man. Now had these pants fit they would have been cute. A couple of days after this less than stellar outfit crossed our paths Jane’s eyes were offended by someone else wearing plaid dress-pants incorrectly. This time the pants looked like they’d fit, but she needed a belt. She was sagging dress pants! If you’re going to wear dress pants, you should not look like you are about to get on a skateboard or go on a walk through the hood. Also, we are in college, act like it! We are pretty sure that when you receive your high school diploma, you must fork over your right to sag your pants. Seriously, ladies! Start wearing your big-girl pants like, well, a big girl!